My first (in 5 years) breastfeeding confrontation.

OK, this is my first honest-to-goodness breastfeeding confrontation.

We were at Brookview Elementary all day today, teaching 4th and 5th graders the Shim Sham. (tiring!!) The several times that G wanted to nurse, I just excused myself from the room and went in the hallway. I didn’t think it would be appropriate to nurse her in the classroom, and I certainly wasn’t going into the bathroom, and the hallways were largely deserted. Twice, teachers walked by and commented “oh, sleeping baby.” I just looked at them and smiled both times – no need to point it out, right? One of those teachers came in for a closer look and saw that she wasn’t sleeping – her eyes were open – and figured it out and said something like “oh, not sleeping!” and walked away, and that was that.

So. In the afternoon, G was sleepy and hungry, and I was out in the hallway, but I’d already read everything hanging in our hallway, and I was bored. Shirts firmly covering everything up, I peeked around the corners of the intersecting hallway to make sure it was deserted. It was. So I headed over and read some Revisionist History displays. (And can anyone explain why all of the children put a number after their names? Jenna 34. Rachel 2. Destiny 85. Hm?)

As I’m reading, a woman, about my age, walks up and asks “oh, did she fall asleep?” And she’s totally coming in super close and I was starting to get afraid that G was going to unlatch to smile at our visitor, so I sidestepped a bit. Note, before I stepped back, she was so close that her shirt brushed my arm. She stepped around my back to peer over Genna’s head from my other shoulder, at which point I said, “she’s having her lunch.”

“OH.”

I smiled, went back to reading Revisionist History.

“You need to come with me to the lounge.” It was not an offer, it was the same tone of voice I use with Wally when he’s doing something he shouldn’t and he needs to obey immediately without questioning. I half turned and picked up one foot, ready to follow her. Then I remembered that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.

I said, “you know, I think I’ll just go back and hang out near the door to our classroom.” “No. You need to come with me.”

“No, I don’t.”

“This is a school.”

“I know that, but I absolutely have a right to feed my baby here. I’m not going with you.” (yay me!)

She started to talk more, but I just turned and walked back to my classroom and waited for the school cop to come get me. (He never came, lol, but I was seriously afraid he would.) A minute or two later, I heard the same woman walk by, talking to someone else in that loud voice that you use when you want to be sure someone else will overhear you, saying “I mean, I nursed my babies, too, but I would have never done it in a SCHOOL. I just don’t think it’s appropriate with children around.”

Which made me chuckle because, first, why not. And second, what children? In the hallway, it was me and her. The entire hall, just the two of us.

Now, a few thoughts on this.

I was nursing in the most discrete place I had access to – a deserted hallway. I hadn’t seen a child in the hallway any of the times I was out there. I am sort of chuckling that the woman wanted to parade me around two additional hallways en route to the lounge (which I guess I’m assuming is near the office), past one of the most congested areas of the school, and where we were MORE likely to see students.

Second, the woman was so close that her shirt (a tshirt) rubbed on my arm. She was THAT close to me, and she’s my height. She could NOT TELL what I was doing, that close. There’s no way a child, shorter than I and so not able to look DOWN at my chest, could have had any idea what was going on. Not to mention, I was facing a wall and would have absolutely turned however I needed to, or retreated into the other hall if needed.

Third, dang, I was proud of myself. I could have been nicer, considering that we want to come back next year, but then again, I’m not sure how I could have been nicer. I was very polite, but firm. My only other option was to go with her, which I guess I could and perhaps should have done, but the lactivist in me will not allow someone to dictate to me where I can nurse my baby discreetly.

Fourth, why did I immediately feel like a small child when she started trying to boss me? When DH asked me later what the woman looked like, I could barely remember, but was surprised to recall that she was my age. She seemed much older when she was speaking sternly to me.

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About sarahtar

Our Family lives in central Iowa. We are Christians, conservatives, and crunchy granola heads. We love the outdoors, photography, and lindy hop. Turn ons are people who are polite, honesty, and really good root beer. Turn offs are mean people and people who make my life more difficult.

Posted on April 3, 2009, in Parenting, Personal. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. YAY you!! I can not believe the nerve of people! How dare they treat another adult like a 8 year old! I was getting upset for you just reading.

  2. Oh wow…that’s horrible! People are ridiculous. If you’ve got an hour or three I’ll regale you with my only breastfeeding confrontation….at a church none the less…where I was called a prostitute by my (ex) Pastor…no lie…

  3. I’m glad he’s your ex pastor!! holy moly!

  4. Yeah…the readers digest version is…I had a pic of me nursing my son when he was approx 6 months old on my myspace. Someone (not sure who) tattled on me…which is funny considering I’ve NEVER had a public profile…any-hoo, he called me and another woman before the church counsel presented the photos, and called us both prostitutes, said the pictures were pornography akin to us posting pictures of us having sex with our husbands. That we were chasing people away from the church (I’d only nursed IN service once, my friend only a handful of times) and that he’d gotten SEVERAL calls from city-folk regarding our photos (on our PRIVATE profiles).

  5. Good for you. You did exactly what you should have done. That lady was completely in the wrong. I nursed all 3 of my children where ever I wanted. When ever they were hungry. (Including the mall, restaurants and the coffee shop). I was always discrete so I don’t think anyone has the right to tell me to stop. She is obviously a very self-righteous and ignorant person. I’m glad you didn’t listen to her. 🙂

  6. It just absolutely kills me that most people know breast is best, but they freak out at the thought of seeing a woman nursing in public. It’s like get over it already. Its a boob doing a boobs job dammit. I guess if a nursing mom ever wants to leave the house she will have to bring a large cardboard box to hide in while nursing. Maybe even hang a do not disturb sign on it. I really don’t think the children would be that disturbed by seeing a nursing mother. Chances are they have siblings who where nursed. Its freaks like that woman who make it a big deal. BTW GOOD FOR YOU.

  7. I breast fed every where including the biggest grocery store in town!!!! Don’t care people do horrid things all day… And they think feeding your baby is bad! Ha gimmee a dang break, I’d sit right down and do all over again people gasping and whatever. I just laugh and say well she’s gota get lunch too.

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